I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
