I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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