Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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