I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
