now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
