She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
is wine microwaveable?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
