My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
