Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
