Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
