if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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