I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
