My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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