I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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