i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
