I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Let's get the cat blown out
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
