yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
