I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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