see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
