Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
