its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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