____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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