we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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