My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
