I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
