I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
