All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
