he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
