My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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