she looked like the before picture.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
