Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Randomize
