TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
