Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Randomize
