i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
