nut hugger
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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