I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
