all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
