How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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