Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
