I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
