Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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