I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
