i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
