I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She is in my trunk
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
