Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
