Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
