Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
3pm strippers are depressing
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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