And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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