the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
