Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
