You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it glows. i had to have it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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