I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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