Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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