Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
