I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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