is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
