It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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