The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
