Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
