Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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