i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
