i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
