At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
