fuck your aforementioned shoe
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
