Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
